I have a 34 yo actress friend who started dating a 34 yo Wall Street buddy. During the first 3 dates he told her how interested he was in having a relationship and how fascinating he thought she was. So since she was into his act she hooked up with him expecting this could develop into something serious. Two days after they got intimate she randomly sees him walking on Lexington Avenue hand in hand with another women. She called him immediately to say that she was very upset to see him with another woman because she felt that their intimacy implied some sort of monogamous commitment.
He said that he felt that she was very special but that since they didn't have "the talk" about being exclusive there's nothing wrong with him seeing other women. In fact he felt that it takes at least 3 months of "dating" before he even decides to have "the talk." So my question is does "intimacy imply monogamy" or do couples have to have "the talk?”
8 comments:
I agree with the guy on this one. Too many women equate sex with commitment. One would think that by age 34 she would know the difference and not get so mixed up.
She's also a little naive to think that three dates meant they were in a committed relationship. After all, if he really wanted to be exclusive, he would have let her know in no uncertain terms. That's just how it works.
I would tell her Welcome to NY that is how the men are here because there are too many women here and not enough men. If she lived in a different city it might be different.
Everyone is always blaming it on New York City. The guy just didnt like her enough to be monogamous but likes her enough to date/sleep with her. NYC is big enough to have so many options but small enough to unknowingly be on the same street/place with all of them at the same time.
Stop blaming it on NYC.. the guy just didnt like her enough to be monogamous.
Blow him off .. please figuratively) not literally.. .. dont even ask for an answer.. If he likes you enough he will come calling( which will be some evidence that he thinks he made a mistake and risks losing you) and then the ball will be in your park whether to give him another chance.
The only way to not end up in this situation is to not hook up. If you want something real, get to know each other in every other way, and decide if you want to be with this person forever, and commit. Then hook up.
I know you're saying "yeah, right" 'cuz everyone thinks there is no way to know that without the hookup, but that is totally wrong. By the time you fall in (real) love, there is no way sex is going to suck. You want the person way too much for that to not be great. Anyway, you can pretty much tell from a kiss. Watch how fast you weed out the serious guys if you stop f-ing any of them. The ones who really are meant to be with you will stick around. You'll find your soul mate in half the time.
Stop wasting time on random guys. 34 turns quickly into 38, and when you're trying to have kids at 40, you'll kick yourself for the time you wasted on those guys who didn't deserve you anyway.
I am a woman who was born and raised in Manhattan. I don't think it has anything to do with geography. The same thing could happen in the midwest. I think it's very naive to think that just because you were intimate with someone, it implies exclusivity. You absolutely need to talk before intimacy if you want exclusivity. If you just want to have "fun" and don't care about exclusivity; then don't bother talking. We all live and learn (hopefully). We cannot assume anything with anyone; communication is key. Some girls often make the mistake of being intimate and think they will "hook" a guy with their amazing bedroom acrobatics. It might work for a few more rounds but it's not what really make something last. Wake up girls!!!
Don't hate the player - hate the game!
you don't hook up thinking it will develop into something serious...you hook because you are adults and the feeling strikes you there...she could have been special to him, just like the others he is seeing or dating or whatever...there are no set rules, just destiny, and it is obvious she wasn't the one this time...ever hear of the book HE JUST ISN'T THAT INTO YOU!!!!
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